My Secret Kills

I have a secret that kills.

It almost killed me so I’m sharing it, in hopes that you, your spouse, one of your children, your grandchildren, a friend, a coach, a teacher, a pastor … Someone you love can benefit from the knowledge and experience I’ve gained … That you/they can know you’re not alone …

That the secret is better NOT kept because it’s already too dark. I’m telling you because the only thing harder than living with a secret, is not living at all. I’m telling you because 25 years is too FUCKING long to not understand what is hurting and killing you. Because 25 years of decision making on false pretenses … is too many, it involves spouses and children and other that should/could be spared. (For you Mathematicians …I was 17 when hospitalized and misdiagnosed).

I’m telling you my secret so you can have the courage for yourself or someone in our life who needs to be honest. I’m telling you because I know of others who would rather die than be honest and I’m not one of them. I’m telling you because I know everyone has secrets, and I’m ok embracing yours. I’m telling you, so you can understand the brains is such a significant organ that when it doesn’t work correctly…You are not able to think you’re way out of it … Because everything that allows for your cognition and processing isn’t working correctly, no matter how intelligent or intellectual you are.

My secret is that I have FINALLY been diagnosed correctly with Bipolar II Disorder. We are grieving and rejoicing in this truth. That’s my secret.

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2 thoughts on “My Secret Kills

  1. I, too am BP II, and I almost hate admitting it to the world out there (stigma) as it seems, every mass murderer, rapist, sniper, school shooter etc. ends up in the news as having diagnosed as bipolar. I even overhead people saying, “yeah, he’s probably bipolar”. Unfair being labelled isn’t it, just from having an illness.

    1. Thank you for your comments. I would agree. I hope by getting the word out that this illness effects people of all statures in life there will be less judgment and more support.

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