Those brave of heart really want to know us. They hear what we say when we have no words. They are ok with who we are, even when we can’t find the grace to love ourselves. They see our weakness, see us and are ok when we bleed.
I have a morbid, sarcastic sense of humor and a very detailed memory. With that confession, I share these memories with a sense of self-reflection and admiration for those who have chosen to participate in this well lived life with me. Some of these recollections were painful as hell at the time but I can laugh about them now, some are still painful but have brought a significant amount of meaning to my forty plus years of life.
This is an unchronological, unfiltered list of my life well lived. Grab a glass of; wine, coffee, sparkling water, put on some; ABBA, Johnny Cash, Dave Matthews, Led Zeplin, and let the ride begin.
Some of you were my first crush.
Some of you had to wipe my mascara stricken face from your shoulder.
Some of you I learned to “mother” with.
Some of you saw me in a speedo before my thighs touched.
Some of you were my brothers when I didn’t understand men.
Some of you learned with me that Grey Goose isn’t a flock on Animal Planet.
Some of you were my roommate and taught me how to cook.
Some of you cried over an Autism diagnosis with me.
Some of you taught me about faith by being Christ to me.
Some of you tried to be my trainer and realized that the only thing I do better than lift is drink.
Some of you are my last love.
Some of you laughed at my dark sense of humor.
Some of you are related to me and I’m sorry.
Some of you let me live with you instead of in my car.
Some of you became a foodie/ wino with me and we now shop at Lane Bryant.
Some of you have enjoyed my obsession with Neurophysiology.
Some of you were parents to me when mine were broken.
Some of you loved me when I hated myself.
Some of you learned that a Volvo can be totaled.
Some of you were my first love.
Some of you are with Christ.
Some of you taught me the love of the written word.
Some of you took me to dances because no one else asked.
Some of you taught me that the black & white only exist in a crayon box.
Some of you taught me that National Geographic boobs are still beautiful.
Some of you have loved me from miles away.
Some of you share my intense love of sports despite the fact that I kicked your ass on more than one occasion.
Some of you have been tattooed with me.
Some of you married me thinking I was Mary Tyler Moore.
Some of you know in my teens and twenties are erred on the side of law and that now I err on the side of gospel/grace.
Some of you should have stopped reading long before this list even started and can still do so.
Some of you unknowingly walked through the darkness with me.
Some of you annoy the shit out of me but we tolerate each other because you love my husband or children.
Some of you taught me that I’m both saint & sinner at the same time.
Some of you have taught me that love is not about sexual orientation.
Some of you are my soul mate.
Some of you were my parents when mine were broken.
Some of you helped me to remember things I wish I had forgotten while drunk.
Some of you know I’m serious when I say I should have been a lesbian with cats, those same some of you know that it wouldn’t matter I’d still bitch.
Some of you have been a far greater example to my children than I could ever be.
Some of you brought me to Christ.
Some of you are the reason I’m alive today.
Some of you know I almost lost my faith.
Some of you repeated a grade in school with me.
Some of you went to my first concert with me.
Some of you told me the truth on no uncertain terms.
Some of you broke my heart.
Some of watched me bitterly grow to hate the church but embrace Christ.
Some of you inherited me through marriage and again I’m sorry.
Some of you understand the kernel of truth.
Some of you remember that if you shit in the woods it only makes noise if the people skiing behind you catch up with you.
I encourage each of you to take the time to go through your inventory, be it your FB list, journal, photos, writings, etc. and reflect upon the living you’ve done, your life details and those who have participated in it with you.